For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God.
For it is written: "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
Well, I was doing pretty good there for a couple of weeks with my Thankful Posts, and I have to say that sitting down at the end of the day and thinking about what I was thankful for, really helped put things into perspective for me. But then, I allowed the struggles of life to consume me and I stopped being thankful for anything. I crawled into my little black hole and threw myself a pity party, table for 1. I hid from the world and thought I was hiding from God, but we all know that isn't possible. (Funny what we can convince ourselves of, isn't it?)
Something happened last Tuesday though. A friend of mine was in the area and really needed to use a bathroom so she called to see if she could come and use mine. I of course let her in and immediately apologized for the messiness of my house. You know what she said to me? "Yeah it is!" For the first time that I can think of someone was bluntly honest with me about the way my house looked. Normally people say things like "Oh you should see my house" or "Don't worry about it, it's no big deal." I know those people meant well each and every time they said it. Even though in their heads they were probably really shocked by how messy my house is. People are just trying to be nice, but sometimes we just need to hear the BLUNT honest truth.
Before leaving my friend asked me what was all the stuff that was laying around. I came up with some good excuses for some of it but in reality they were just that, EXCUSES. After she left I felt embarrassed. But not for the reason that most people would think. I wasn't embarrassed because my friend saw my house messy, I was embarrassed because I made excuses for my house being messy. All of the sudden my heart was so convicted about my lack of gratitude for the blessings that God has given me. See, I used to tell myself that I didn't really need to keep my house clean because it wasn't really my home. I mean, yes, we (meaning us and the bank) own it, but we never planned on being in it very long. It was just a stepping stone to a bigger and better place. So I didn't really ever consider it my HOME. I did not take pride in how it looked. I only cleaned when it got really messy or if someone I wanted to impress was coming over. In fact, I hated my house.
5 years later on Tuesday June 30th 2009 I came to the realization that God was never going to bless me with anything more, if I did not appreciate and take care of what I currently had. So that afternoon I just started cleaning. I cleaned and reorganized and threw out a bunch of stuff. It felt so good. The next morning I woke up and did it again. By the end of the day the house looked great. I am not finished reorganizing, and I will never be finished cleaning because it's an ongoing process. I am not going to lie, I still hate cleaning, but I keep asking God to develop in me, a love for it. Yeah that's right, eventually I want to be able to say that I LOVE cleaning. I see cleaning now as a form of worship, to a God that has blessed me with so much, from me who deserves none of it.
As a mom, I take the responsibility of keeping my child safe very seriously. When I see mom's who seems to be more concerned with other things, then with the safety of their children, it makes me both angry and sad.
So yesterday I was on my way home from running around town and I am driving on the highway. I glance in my rear view mirror and see this mini van following very closely. I took this as an indication that I was not going fast enough for this women. At that point I would normally change lanes and let the person, who is in such a hurry, pass me, but the other lane was occupied and so I had to stay where I was. So I continued driving at the same speed, which seemed to annoy the women driving the mini van behind me. She continued to follow very close behind me, I guess in an effort to force me to drive faster. This continued for several miles down the highway until I finally had the opportunity to get into the other lane. As she sped past me she gave me a very dirty look and I noticed that she had a child in a car seat, behind her. At that moment I got very angry. I watched her accelerate to a speed that had to be over 80 miles per hour. I guess she was too busy being in a hurry to realize that her exit was coming up because then she cut across 3 lanes of traffic to get off the highway. She didn't actually slow down until she was forced to because she reached an intersection where the light was red. We parted ways at that point and I said a little prayer for that women and the precious cargo inside her van.
It's hard for me to understand why a mother would choose to be irresponsible and drive at such high speeds with children in the car. Don't get me wrong I don't think people should drive that fast anyway, but especially NOT with children in the car. They are just passengers, they have no say in where they are going or how fast they get there.
I would think that any mother would be devastated if they got into an accident and their children were hurt because they were driving irresponsibly. So why do they do it?
6.23.09 (Day 15) 1. I am feeling much better today
2. This is the 3rd day in a row that I woke up to the sun shining
3. God's faithfulness.
4. When I feel defeated by this world I can remind myself that one day I will be with God in heaven
5. A.C in my van. When it's 94 degrees outside and 125 degrees in the van, the AC makes a world of difference.
6.22.09 (Day 14) ****You will notice a reoccurring theme for today****** 1. My husbands flexibility at his job that allows him to come home early when I am sick
2. Adam is sort of self sufficient. I was very sick today and for the most part I only needed to worry about getting him food.
3. Adam still takes a nap. Again this is very helpful when I am sick
4. Cable t.v. On days when I am sick my son can sit and watch t.v. (NOTE: I am not sick very often and normally would not use my t.v as a babysitter, but today I could barely move, so I did it. I don't feel bad about it, not really, OK maybe a little. But I didn't really have a lot of options. OK enough defending myself)
5. Popsicles. It was the only thing that made my stomach feel better today.
6.21.09 (Day 13) This one is only going to have 4 b/c I wanted to dedicate this post to the Father's in my life 1. My Heavenly Father God. He is the perfect example of a Father and has been there for me every minute of every hour of every day of my life. His love is perfect and I don't deserve it.
2. My earthly father. God gave me to my Dad. Knowing exactly who my Dad was and all the issues that would come with having my Dad as my father. I love my Dad. He is not perfect, but neither am I.
3. My father in law. He is a wonderful man, very caring and giving. We have a special relationship b/c I am and will be his only daughter. My mother in law often jokes that I could probably ask him for just about anything and he would find a way to give it to me.
4. My son's father-my husband. Before we had our son, I wondered what kind of father my husband would be. I worried b/c when we met, he didn't have a very good relationship with his dad. I also worried that he wouldn't be around very much or wouldn't pay attention to our children, like my father. BUT my husband really is a great father. From day 1 he has been involved. I am blessed that he is the father of my son, and hopefully more children in the future.
6.20.09 (Day 12) 1. God's perfect timing. EVEN when it doesn't fit MY schedule.
2. Orange Julius's. They are somewhat of an addiction for me. Luckily they are only at the mall and I don't go to the mall that often.
3. Good deals while shopping. I got 10 picture frames for $7!!!!
4. JT working on a Saturday b/c it means we will have money next week.
5. Aleve. Yes I mean the pain reliever. Sometimes it works when nothing else does.
6.19.09 (Day 11) 1. Witnessing the heart of a child excited to show love through a gift on Father's Day. My sister Chris's kids wanted to get their father a fairly expensive gift for Father's Day. So they decided they wanted to use some of the money in their savings accounts to buy the gift and then they would put the money back using their allowance money. They came up with the idea all on their own and went to my sister and asked if she would take them to the store so they could buy the gift. It was very touching.
2. My membership to Common Market, it was a gift for Christmas a couple of years ago from my husbands Grandfather.
3. Organic Fruit. It really does taste so much different.